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alexaj 11-03-2014 12:17 AM

Dr. Luciani,

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year now. She confessed that she was in depression before we met and once our relationship was formalized she felt like if love took over her depression. I believe love is an amazing thing but not a cure to a depression. She had a very though year. From the dead of a family member to a miscarriage that affected both of us tremendously. We been in individual therapy ever since and decided to give us a month of space to deal with our insecurities, depression, etc. The love for each other has been always evident, the fact that we trust each other and always been talking about getting married and having a family. Last time I spoke with her she said that she feels like she doesnt know what she want in life anymore, that shes very confussed and she even said she doesnt even know if she loves me anymore.

There are different ways for me to react to this. I want to be very careful since I love her with all my heart, and I dont want to do anything that affects her more than what she already is. Is this possible?? Just stoping loving somebody like that? Should I treat this as a symptom of her depression? or could it be a symptom of infatuation?


Dr. Joe 11-04-2014 02:01 PM

With depression, falling in love can, in fact, shift our emotions as well as our chemistry, temporarily eclipsing a depression. Most relationships begin with infatuation (which can be seen as a heightened state of emotional euphoria and well-being) and as the infatuation wears off and the relationship inevitably comes down to earth (all infatuations eventually die), true love can begin to take root. Your relationship has endured many challenges that, along with the depression, have come to eclipse the loving feelings you once had. It's hard to know whether what's going on right now is because of a lack of love, ending of an infatuation or simply confusion and depression. It seems to me that since you are both in therapy, time and patience are essential. Only when the shadow of depression is lifted will you be able to understand where you both stand with each other.

Dr. Joe

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