Are You a Worrywart?

What’s wrong with a little innocent worry once in awhile? For most people, nothing. But for a worrywart, worry is anything but innocent--or occasional. Worry, especially chronic worry (which is the cornerstone of anxiety and depression), exacts a psychological price that is often exorbitant. Physically, our body may translate the stress and tension of worrying into headaches, stomach distress, hives, insomnia, lower immune system response, or even heart attacks--not to mention anxiety and depression. And whether it's warding off a common cold or being susceptible to cancer, there's no doubt our bodies abhor worry.

Emotionally, worrying is no bargain either, leaving us feeling off balance, insecure, and often quite frantic. We become glass-half-empty pessimists, wringing our hands as we try to anticipate what might go wrong and how we're going to handle it. Worrywarts worry because their world has become riddled with doubt and distrust. If you can’t believe in life, you’re doomed to fear it. If nothing else, worry gives you a sense that at least you’re doing something to brace against life’s curve balls. Guess you could say spitting in the wind is doing something.

Why We Worry

Unfortunately, worrywarts feel there's little or no choice. Worry for them is the only way to survive things going wrong. Heaven help them if they get a bit complacent, lazy, or too relaxed--WHAM! Life will deliver them a blow from which they might not recover. If you’re a worrier, you’re probably convinced that if you worry enough, you might be able to figure out (control) all those what-ifs and then stop worrying. In a sense, you worry so you won't have to keep worrying.

Sometimes, worry is a form of damage control--since you’re expecting the worst, you try to minimize the pain. And sometimes worry is just panic translated into thoughts. If, for example, you can’t believe you’ll survive that important meeting in the morning, you might find the anticipation of losing your job, being disgraced, and never–ever--having another opportunity, throwing you into a Chicken-Little mentality. And when the sky begins to fall, don’t count on getting much sleep.

Self-Coaching Tip

Worrying is the anticipation of chaos

Worry versus Concern

Why do we worry? Worrying is an attempt to counteract what you feel insecure about. Since you have so little trust in your capacity to handle life--to be spontaneously successful–you begin what-iffing in a twisted attempt to figure out what can go wrong before it happens. You become seduced by the notion that if you can figure out what’s in store for you (I call this time traveling), then you can feel less vulnerable. If not less vulnerable, then at least braced and ready. It would be like knowing the questions that are going to be asked on a test. Even Chicken Little’s panic was an attempt to do something--anything--rather then let the sky keep falling.

Whenever I give a talk, I can count on someone asking, “Isn’t worry a normal part of life? I can’t imagine what would happen if I didn’t have any worries. You’ve got to admit, sometimes worry can be a good thing.” My response is always the same, “No, worry is never a good thing!” The reason I respond so adamantly has to do with understanding the difference between worry and concern.

Being concerned has to do with circumstances and facts, i.e., let's say you hear that sleet is expected for the morning commute. It's good common sense to be concerned and to anticipate the extra drive-time and get on the road a half hour earlier. No problem here. Given the same scenario, the worrywart may also hit the road a half hour earlier, demonstrating the same good common sense. But then, unfortunately, since worry is driven by reflexive, insecure thinking, it’s not fact or circumstance that determines the worrywart’s thoughts, it’s insecurity, "What if I get stuck in traffic? What if I have an accident? “What-ifs” are not facts, they’re mental fictions generated by insecurity. And that’s why worry is never a good thing.

Self-Coaching Tip

Being concerned is healthy because it is fact-based.

Worrying is destructive because it is fiction-based.

Since what-iffing is based more on reflexive projections of insecurity, worrying has very little to do with actual here-and-now problems (facts) or their solutions. A worrywart suffers from chronic, often intense, insecurity. In the above example, it's not the difficulty with the morning commute that initiates the what-iffing, it's the worrier’s insecure presumption that, "Nothing ever goes right for me. I can survive only if I prepare for the worst."

So, if you’re a worrier take a lesson from Mark Twain who once said, “I’ve worried about thousands of things in my life, most of which have never happened.” Next time you catch yourself worrying about something, ask yourself, Am I dealing with facts or fictions? (Hint: The future doesn’t exist. If you’re ruminating about something that hasn’t already happened, it’ a fiction!) By recognizing this simple distinction—facts versus fictions--you can begin to reclaim not only emotional solace and resilience, but you’ll also be adding years of healthy living to your life. And that’s a fact!